The Non Sequitur Sequel

(I originally wrote this post for (and it appeared on) a friend's film blog Awesome Or Not! Movies: B-Z)

If a film comes out, makes money or sometimes simply finds an audience, you can be rather certain that there is going to be a sequel. However, for various reasons (e.g lack of interest from the star(s), producer or director; no script; lead characters die) no sequel is forthcoming. So, what do the film studios do to make a few more bucks off of the film to cash-in before the popularity dies down? They invent a sequel.

The films C.H.U.D., Dirty Dancing and 8MM were successful films that failed to produce an heir for the inheritance a sequel can generate, thus a sequel was thrust upon them.

C.H.U.D. (1984) was a cult-hit that did well at the box office (compared to its budget). The plotline involves humans transformed via radiation exposure into "Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers" (CHUDs) now coming above ground to fest on the general population. I haven’t see the movie in years, but I remember it being a movie that took itself seriously, was somewhat scary, but because of the ridiculous name and nature of the titular creatures, quickly worked its way into a cult favorite.

The sequel, C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D. takes about a 180 degree turn stylistically away from the more serious horror monster aspects of the first film to a horror/comedy realm. That being said, this film is light on horror and attempts to be heavy on the comedy. Right from the outset this film plays up the camp in what seems like a desperate attempt to become another cult-classic-even hiring Gerrit Graham (star of several previous cult films) as Bud himself. Of many wrong turns, the star of the film is Brian Robbins, from television’s ‘Head of the Class’. As for the plot, the US Military has tested turning soldiers in C.H.U.D.s as to be the ideal soldier. The program is abandoned and the last C.H.U.D., Bud, is stolen by some teens and hilarity ensues (or at least is supposed to). Basically, if the idea of C.H.U.D.s wasn’t so ingrained in this film, I would doubt that this was actually planned as a sequel. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was comedy zombie film in the works and they incorporated elements from C.H.U.D. to profit off of the camp appeal.

Second, 8MM follows the story of a private detective, played by Nicolas Cage, who is trying to find the identity of the now-dead star/victim in a snuff film. Cage’s character is lured into the world of extreme pornography and basically duels with evil incarnate. Despite a plot that sounds horrible (not to mention mirrors that of 1979’s Hardcore, starring George C. Scott), I like this film (and, in my own defense, so did Robert Ebert according to his review). The film didn’t do great at the box office, it came close to breaking even with US ticket sales, but surely broke even in the international and video markets.

8MM 2 was not planned as a sequel. It was originally titled The Velvet Side of Hell and only renamed after Sony bought the rights to distribute it. The film doesn’t involve snuff (nor 8mm film for that matter), instead involving a couple being blackmailed over a videotape of them having sex. I think the primary reason there was a sequel to 8MM was not because of the immense success of the film, but more to cash in on the titillation of the subject matter and public awareness of the original film to cause some buzz about this straight-to-video release.

Or at least they are attempting some video store confusion-the kind of chicanery where earlier works by newly christened stars are re-titled and pretend the star had more than a bit-part (a la Satisfaction rebranded as Girls of Summer after Julia Roberts’ success in Pretty Woman) or how Kevin Costner’s first movie Chasing Dreams was given a new look post-Field of Dreams success to feature Costner and baseball prominently on the video box. Given that Costner is in the movie, is about baseball and the word ‘dream’ is in the title (I believe this was the original title and not changed), I can only imagine this was watched all the time by unsuspecting renters who ended up seeing about 5 minutes of Costner.

Lastly, my favorite example is the sequel to Dirty Dancing. Dirty Dancing was such a hit it needed to have a sequel. The movie was a hit, the songs were hits, the soundtrack album sold in the millions, the film spawned a dance craze and brought the public tons of knock-off films. Possibly because of the knock-offs themselves an actual sequel was not forthcoming, so one needed to be invented. (Well, technically it’s a prequel, but you get the point).

Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights starts its life not as a sequel, but as a story about the Cuban revolution (which has dance as a minor part) that was written by Peter Segal, who would later host NPR’s Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me! Well. However, through multiple rewrites the movie reduces the Cuban revolution to one line of dialogue and dancing (like its namesake) becomes the focal point. And true to the original there’s dancing, songs by big names, a soundtrack that was bound to sell in the millions and (as not to disappoint the fans of the original) Patrick Swayze has a cameo. Except, of course, that, like all the other forced sequels, it bombed. Had 16 years been too long? Were they trying too hard to recapture the magic? Or is the public fickle enough to suss out when film studios try to cash-in on the success of previous hit films with B-grade material that only vaguely resembles the original.

Thoughts On the Last Episode of LOST

As a sci-fi fan, I am a little disappointed in the ending of LOST. Since the first season I have wished that the show was more sci-fi. But that is not LOST. For every geek who watched the show for the sci-fi (and got a love story), there was a housewife who watched the show for the love story (and got some sci-fi). Well, the show had a love story ending and I am okay with that.

The producers had repeatedly mentioned M*A*S*H as an influence and we got a similar ending-the characters went their separate ways, but their time on the island will always be the most important time in their lives.

Contemporary long-form television is difficult to wrap-up. They have too many subplots, too much complexity much a nice ending. The Sopranos, The Wire and Battlestar Galactica (to name a few) all did less-than-spectacular jobs. So, it should not be surprising that LOST's finale was not perfect.

From a sci-fi point of view, the show had been following a very predictable trajectory the whole sixth season. And I am relieved that they did not introduce some new sci-fi element as an explainer or, worse, introduce some "theory of everything" that explains... well, everything that happened on the island.

It is one thing to give a simple explanation for everything or give a total mindfuck ending after a two-hour film (M. Night Shyamalan is so fond of doing both of these). But, after over 100 hours, I think we need something more than a mindfuck.

Yeah, LOST did not explain a lot of things, but I think over-explaining would have hurt the show (think "The Matrix" series) and any explanation that would have encompassed everything would be so complicated as to be ridiculous. The overall explanation is that the island is a strange place where strange things happen. BAM! Explanation enough.

Desmond survived a electrical discharge and could see the past, present and future (and the afterlife apparently). Does it make sense scientifically? No. (And there is a ton of other examples like that). But, I do not think the show needs to explain it anymore than that. To paraphrase the show "Whatever weird stuff happened, happened".

For example, does faster-than-light speed travel make sense? Does teleporting make sense? No and no. But these are accepted parts of those respective franchises and they work in service of the story and are not the story itself.

Lastly, Americans love love, so in American television, the two lead characters will inevitably find themselves in a romantic relationship (think Friends, Moonlighting, Cheers, Will and Grace, Who's The Boss?) and yes LOST ends reaffirming all of the romantic relationships (Jack and Kate, Sawyer and Juliet, Charlie and Claire, Rose and Bernard, even digging deep to bring back Shannon and Sayid)

However, in a strange way, in addition to the one-on-one romantic love, there is the affirmation of a group platonic love that the people on the island experienced. To me, this group affirmation is more heartwarming that any single relationship. This group relationship mirrors not only that of the relationship of viewers to each other (who met around watercoolers and chat rooms to discuss the show) but also the viewers' relationship with the show itself and the love they we have for LOST.

And, yes, I loved LOST.

Refrigerator Tea

In yet another instance of everything-good-is-bad-for-you, people are not supposed to make sun tea anymore.

Sun tea, in which tea bags are placed in a water pitcher and left out in the sun for a few hours, is a favorite of mine. First, because it produces a mellow tea compared to iced tea made with boiled water (that for my taste requires more sugar to take the edge off of those tannins). Second, because of the ease of the recipe (water, tea bag, time) which is ideal for a lazy summer day.

However, sun tea sits around for hours in the food temperature danger zone (40°F-140°F) and becomes a breeding ground for bacteria.

The solution? Skip the sun and put the iced tea container in the refrigerator overnight for comparable results.

Unscented (or one-scented)

When it comes to household items, there are many options for scent.

Take a shower using scented soap, shampoo and conditioner. Brush your teeth with a scented toothpaste and floss with scented floss. Use scented deodorant, lotion and wash hands with scented hand soap. Put on clothes washed in scented laundry detergent. Style your hair with scented hair care product.

Maybe even use scented toilet paper (seriously, scented toilet paper was commonly available until the 1980's, but fell out of favor when people thought better of putting chemical-drenched paper in their most intimate of areas. However, with some Googling, I see it is still available).

All of these scents combined can lead to a cacophony of odors.

Additionally, when Procter and Gamble give their products a scent, do you think they're using some centuries-old recipe handed down from Cleopatra involving rose water and anise seed (for example) or do you think maybe it is potentially-harmful chemicals designed by Dow? My guess would be the latter.

Between the olfactory assault and the chemical implications, maybe we need to take a hint from the scented toilet paper example.

It takes an additional minute to find them in the store, but all of the above items can be bought unscented.

Still want to have some scent? That's reasonable. Buy one scented item. Buy a scented lotion, or better yet a cologne or perfume as they are designed to last. My current favorite cologne is Acqui di Parma. (cough, cough, Cary Grant used it).


And why are you all of those scented items anyhow? If you have an odor problem look at your diet, limit your coffee intake and drink more water. If this does not clear it up, go to your doctor. Seriously.

Half-pints

I love beer. And I love going to bars that have lots of different beers. And I love drinking many of those beers. Unfortunately, my threshold for consuming multiple pints of beer is lowering as we speak.

Luckily, a few beer bars understand this and offer the half-pint.

Most notably, The Grey Lodge (not coincidentally Philadelphia's best beer bar) offers half-pints at exactly half the price of a full pint.

Also, The Swift Half Pub at the Piazza at Schmidts offer half-pints, but I believe charges more than half the price of a pint (which feels like a rip-off to me).

I'm also aware that many old-man-bars (most memorably Krupa's at 27th and Brown Streets in the Art Museum area) also sell small glasses of cheap beer that need constant refilling and cost less than a dollar, but that is a different story.

Beer bars of Philadelphia, please offer this aging man the half-pint he needs before I am forced to go to go back to Krupa's. Or before I am forced to share every pint with my wife.

Grill Extra Vegetables

With the warmer months upon us, it is time to light the grill.

For as much as I love grilling, it is a lot of work-lighting the charcoal, waiting for it to go to hot coals, pre-cleaning the grill, making sure the heat is even, constantly checking food, and after cooking waiting for the ashes to go cold, cleaning up the ashes, putting the cover back on the grill. All the while trying to look cool as you harken back to early man's cooking style and drink beer.

So, when spending all this time and energy, take time to grill some extra vegetables to be added to dishes later in the week.

As I mentioned before, grilled foods taste better after they sit for a few days because the smoky flavor more-deeply infuses into the foods. So, take advantage of this fact and grill extra onions, peppers, mushrooms, corn, squash and any other vegetable you can possibly imagine.

Later in the week these vegetables can be used on pizzas, pasta, omelets, sandwiches, salads, etc. A particular favorite of mine is roasted peppers with cheese and crackers. And a friend once made a salad with chilled roasted vegetables, diced and combine with olive oil, balsamic vinegar and goat cheese-a dish she said she came up with on her own.

Cook once, eat twice.

Support Your Local Library

To paraphrase "The Wire"-"You know what the most dangerous thing in America is, right? A 13-month-old with a library card".

I love my local library; so does my 13-month-old daughter who just got her library card. In addition to the books (which are a great thing) I regularly check out CDs and DVDs, of which there is a great selection at our local branch or available through inter-library loan. Even those of you who live in the suburbs, I know many places have inter-library loans within their counties, so do not assume that you will have a limited selection. Also amazing is that I can manage inter-library loans online, so I don't have to list my myriad of selections to the librarian. In addition to cost-savings by not buying books, CDs and DVDs, I am also not encumbered by keeping these items in my house.

As a music fan, I am able to check out a ton of CDs for free (and legally, as opposed to illegal downloads) especially from genres and artists that I would not normally have bought (e.g. jazz, classical, folk, foreign music, film scores, weird stuff, etc).

The iPod might be one of the coolest inventions ever, but combine it with the library's resources and it becomes absolutely amazing.

Despite being a music lover, my iPod has very little music on it and I do not add or delete music very often. Instead, I primarily use my iPod to catch up on my favorite NPR shows via podcasts and for audiobooks. The library is a great source for audiobooks. In addition to the audiobook CDs available at the library, many library websites have downloadable audiobooks which can be directly imported to your iPod. Although easy to download audiobooks, it might be tricky the first time and I'd be happy to help if you have questions.

With a long commute in the morning, I have been able to listen books by Malcolm Gladwell, Stephen Hawking, Michael Pollan and several other pop culture books that I did not get a chance to read. (Strangely, I find fiction difficult to listen to).

If importing from actual CDs, there will be dozens of tracks and they might disrupt your music playlist if using iTune's random function, but you can correct this and can find some other helpful hints here.

Lastly, if you set your iTunes import setting to "spoken word", audiobooks will take up almost no room on your computer or iPod.

Now go out and get a library card!

Why Upsidedownjenny

As a teenager I learned about the Inverted Jenny (seen above), a rare and expensive stamp.

The basic story is that the stamp is was a misprint with the airmail plane, A Jenny, printed upside down. A stamp collector went into a post office to buy stamps, found a misprinted sheet, hiding his excitement simply bought the entire sheet and left. Those began the story of the Inverted Jenny.

I wrote down the name as "Upside Down Jenny" in my commonplace book, but later learned it was more commonly known of as "Inverted Jenny". Such is life.

Upsidedownjenny became my name for any activities on the internet when I didn't want to use my real name and, for want of a better name, I am using it in my blog. Yawn.

What Would Jesus Buy?

As someone who resists consumerism, I was psyched to see What Would Jesus Buy? I've seen the Reverend Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping featured on television before, so I was excited to learn more. Unfortunately, this movie turns to be more like Borat or Brüno than a hard-hitting documentary. That is, Reverend Billy puts on a costume, puts on an accent and puts on a show that freaks out middle America. I wish the movie went a little deeper, but the film keeps it light.

What Would Jesus Buy follows Reverend Billy in the month before Christmas as leads impromptu mock-revival church services in the Disney Store, Starbucks, Walmart headquarters, the Mall of America and other locations with the intent of pointing out the rampant consumerism that has infected Christmas. There's also interviews with "Christmas experts" that talk about how much Christmas has changed and some consumer experts that add a little knowledge about consumer debt. But, the film avoids getting too informative.

The documentary primarily focuses on the Reverend Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping on a personal level, and not on their mission, their goals, their performance nor consumerism in general. Instead we learn about the members of the group, including Reverend Billy himself, and not their activism or the reason behind it. Most unfortunately though they tend to focus minimally on the performances themselves, which are rather entertaining.

Lastly, the film follows Reverend Billy during Christmastime, which is an easy target when it comes to critiquing consumerism, but, unfortunately, it is also a sacred cow. Therefore, it takes a special kind of balance to poke fun at Christmastime spending. Unfortunately, this film doesn't have that balance.

When creating a message movie like this there are two routes-keep it light and potentially attract a wider audience or make it hard-hitting and preach to the converted. This film keeps it light and didn't give me much to sink my teeth into. However, I look forward to checking out another movie about Reverend Billy, simply titled Reverend Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping.

Cool Car, Cooler Man

Like most men who think about classic style, I am obsessed with Cary Grant. And like a few men, including Steve Urkel, I am obsessed with the BMW Isetta. So, for me, finding this picture this picture is like finding the Rosetta Stone.

I first noticed the Isetta in the Peter Sellers film "The Naked Truth" and was immediately in love.

With the success of the new MINI, there are rumors BMW is creating a new Isetta. But, looking at the concept cars online, the new versions aren't the same. Most obviously, they are much larger and the door is not on the front side of the car.


I regularly check Ebay Motors and other sites and old Isetta are just too expensive, so I guess I will never be an Isetta owner. But, then again, I'll never be Cary Grant. And as Cary Grant said, "Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant."

A Good Pair of Shoes Should Last A Man His Entire Life

Years ago I heard someone say that a good pair of shoes should last a man his entire life.

I recently saw a picture of Prince Charles with a patch on his shoe. And in a documentary on PBS about the queen, one of her footmen said he would wear an older pair of shoes on special occasions because those were the better shoes as it take years for a pair of shoes to acquire the desired high-gloss sheen. (Possibly there is an obsession in the British royalty with holding on to one’s shoes).

Shoes lasting an entire lifetime is an exaggeration, but with proper care shoes should last one a good long time.

Here are a couple of simple tips to make your shoes last-

• Do not wear shoes on back-to-back days. Repeated wearing does not allow for the proper drying out that is required to make a shoe last.
  
  
• Use shoes trees. This will prevent the shoe from curling. Cedar ones are recommended as them help to absorb moisture. I bought a pair for $15 at Men’s Warehouse. I see them in consignment shops all the time, albeit rarely cedar. And I saw plastic shoe trees at Ikea for $1. (Aren't your shoes worth the extra dollar?)
  
  
• Keep your shoes polished. There’s debate over whether one should polish their own shoes or not (DIYers say it's an easy chore. While those in favor of contracting it out say it’s a dirty job best left to the professionals who only charge a few bucks anyhow), but regularly polishing shoes help to keep them in good condition, prevents cracking and all those layer of polish add to the sheen.
  
  
• In the winter, wipe the salt off of your shoes with a mixture of water and a little white vinegar.
  
  
• But, most importantly, whether the soles are leather or rubber, make sure your shoes can be resoled. With proper care, your leather upper will last a long time, but eventually your sole will wear out. If your sole is glued on (as are many cheap shoes today) it cannot be resoled. Florsheim has a nice chart on dissecting shoe construction. Soles that are sewn or Goodyear welted can be resoled. With the sad state of affairs that is the modern-day shopping experience, I doubt if the salesman helping you will know if your shoes are resoleable, but if you see stitches and leather on the top of the sole, that it a good sign.

Roast a Whole Bird

A classic weekend meal for us is to roast a whole chicken. Cooking a whole chicken has a few advantages-a whole bird is cheaper pound per pound, easy to cook, almost impossible to overcook, generally more delicious than individual pieces and there are always leftovers meat for other meals.

There is a lot of fear about cooking whole birds stemming from overcooked Thanksgiving turkeys. This is generally caused by huge birds which will have overcooked breasts by the time the dark meat has reached temperature. The solution is to cook a smaller bird; cooking two turkeys for Thanksgiving if needed. (And why not deep-fry or barbecue that second bird? But that's a topic for another day).

The chicken should be at room temperature, which will help cook the bird faster and more evenly. You can achieve this more quickly by giving the bird a bath in room temperature water, refreshing the water regularly.

The Joy of Cooking says to preheat the oven to 450, place the bird in the oven, immediately reduce heat to 350 degrees, cook for 20 minutes per pound cooking until the bird is 185 degrees. The more intense initial heat will give the bird a crispy skin-as will seasoning the bird with salt and pepper inside and out. A properly cooked bird will also be incredibly easy to carve. The wings and legs will loosen, making it easy to find the joints allowing you to cut through them. The breast meat is best cut away from the ribs in two large chunks (one from each side) and then sliced.

Once the meal is over, the real fun begins-leftovers. Preparing for future meals is one of the keys to timesaving. One whole bird will allow you to make several other meals over the next few days-sandwiches, chicken salad, chicken pot pies, enchiladas, tacos, the carcass for soup and the list goes on.

The same applies to leftovers from barbecued chicken with the addition that barbecued food generally tastes better on later days because the flavor of the smoke will continue to infuse deeper into the bird.

One minor word of caution-if planning to use meat for additional meals, it might be best to not give the bird too strong a flavor. I've tried Moroccan, jerk and other uniquely flavored chickens in leftovers and often those flavor don't lend themselves to many of the dishes mentioned above. Or, simply gives the impression you are eating the same meal again and again which defeats the idea repurposing the chicken in other dishes.

A Sort of Mission Statement

With interests too numerous to mention in one posting, I simply lay out my intentions.

In addition to publishing all the random thoughts that pass through my head, there is an overarching theme.

I believe...

...that the good life is out there, not too difficult to attain and (with the help of the internet, a library card, the iPod, Netflix, thrifts stores, and a few other tools) not too expensive either.

...the 80/20 rule can be applied to your personal life. The 20% of the things we do bring us 80% of our joy in life. The solution (as if there was a problem) is to focus on the good life and avoid the things that we can.

...that elimination is one key to the good life. If you look at my previous two beliefs you'll notice that elimination is subtext in both of them. The library and Netflix (and to a lesser extent the internet and iPod) represent the elimination of owning material possessions. And, by using the 80/20 rule, one eliminates everything that one can to allow more clear focus on those things that you truly enjoy.


I read somewhere that the first episode of any narrative television program will be drastically different from the subsequent episodes because the first episode contains the catalyst for the series. That is, a roommate moves out and two women take on a man as their third roommate. Or, a snooty woman waits for her fiancé in a working-class bar, only to be stood up. (I read the article years ago, so forgive the old references). My point is that this post is the catalyst, and not a template, for future posts.


Next time: less exposition, more good life.